My Own Worst Enemy

I've got words racing and pushing their way to my tongue on a razor's edge.
They bleed and pour out uncontrollably.
They want to be free like birds in the summer green.
They lay their bodies in the fresh cut grass as they bask in the suns misery.

I've got emotions slithering through my body and soul. It eats at me in the form of a parasite;
like a leech draining me dry, or an amoeba eating its way through my already corroded brain.
They are hungry and ravenous, and what's even more frightening is they can't get enough.

I've got loneliness weighing me down. It sleeps and dreams, then wakes up looking for a companion. I am that companion.
So it's true when they say misery loves company!
I'm always there for you loneliness because you are just as alone as I am.
Yet you are so selfish, you refuse to be there for me.

I've got anger seizing me.
My mother, my sister, my friend.
You cage me and feed me insanity.
You love me like abusive mothers love their daughters; you beat me down and then you cradle me against your bosom, nurturing me with rage.

Why do I love you? Why do I need you?

Philosophy of a Senseless Dreamer

Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza

I've become numb to the representation of iterations that were once etched into my heart and soul. 

The words upon words have become meaningless because I worship myself 

and loathe everyone else.

Yet

I struggle with the thought that those words upon words still sting.

And the thought of you rebuking my being still burns me with insecurity.

I end your world with rejection 

because if forgiveness is love

then it is everything I am not.

No one is superior to anyone

it is an existential joke.

Some are cursed with arrogance and some are blessed with apathy.

Unfortunately

I am a dreamer.

I dream of peace and compromise

yet everyone is too busy sizing each other up

or trying to outdo one another.

That is why I'm deluded.

But if I'm deluded

so is everyone else!