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Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Corrosive Empathic Psychosis



It was Christmas Day and little Tiffany’s parents sat in the living room as she passed out presents, her blonde curls bounced and her face lit up with a smile, like the glimmering Christmas lights loosely strung around the small Christmas tree. The smile slowly began to fade as she noticed that her gifts were stacked into a large pile, creating a maze that left very little space for her and everyone else to move. Meanwhile, the extended family members that grew up with nothing only received socks, underwear, and a few food items.

The voice in her head began to get louder as she sat down, cramped between the exuberant amount of gifts and the couch. She felt trapped and claustrophobic as she began to open the gifts, feigning Christmas joy. Her pretty blue eyes started to water as the voice began to bellow, “you’re a piece of shit! You’re a waste of space! Who the hell do you think you are?!”

Tiffany began to panic, yet she said nothing out of fear of upsetting anyone. She felt overwhelmed as she felt everyone staring at her, judging her. Tiffany’s thoughts raced as an invisible hand wrapped around her neck, keeping her from saying what she really wanted to say, so instead, she screamed. She grabbed her hair and screamed louder than the voices that told her she was worthless, making her appear spoiled and unappreciative. Her family gaped at her, stunned by the sudden madness happening in front of them, angry at the screeching brat they maxed out their credit cards for.

Later that day, everyone went home and the pathetic princess tried to apologize to her mother, who was already too stoned to care. “You have to remember that there are children who don’t have what you have.” Her mother's words and slurred speech created a familiar, lonely void that Tiffany’s heart always managed to fall into.

Tiffany went to her room, cuddling with her self-hatred, noticing the only thing beautiful in her life were the expensive inanimate objects everyone mistakes for love.



The End

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Anxious mutterings and False Pretense


 My anxiety with people overwhelms me. Every day I'm anxious about being social and opening up out of fear of how people might try to hurt me. It's not about what they think, it's about what they'll do. Does everyone feel this way?

I'm not perfect.

This is important because just like everyone else, I put up a front. Does everyone really do this, or am I just a fake piece of shit?

I'm.Not.Perfect.

 Nonetheless, I smile and I laugh trying to make the best of this mortal coil. This place is so fucked up, I force myself to talk to people and I do my best to interact; despite the fact that deep down every day I want to die. Does this make me crazy? Am I chemically imbalanced, or am I correct when I feel like I'm not meant to be here? I've personally never met a human that wasn't on some level mentally ill! I continue to smile and I continue to laugh, pretending that nothing is wrong. I do this because I don't know how else to cope.

I'M NOT PERFECT