Ramblings from a woman who can't stop menstruating

    Sometimes I feel like feminism is a joke. I hear the #metoo movement and I feel the burden, the weight of every woman's suffering being unheard or undermined. In a lot of ways, women bring it on themselves.

    For as long as history has been recorded, men have ruled the world. Very few societies have been recorded as egalitarian(aside from slavery of course). The ancient Celts fought equally on the battlefield; men, women and even children fought side by side. Vikings, both male and female; had equal say in what happened in their communities. Not to mention, rape and attempted rape were punishable by death! Personally,  I think a more suitable punishment would be castration and having your balls removed from the sack. Unfortunately, you can't get everything you want!

    I hope that one-day things will change, but women don't have each others backs the way men do. In most societies, men set roles for everyone to follow because they're predominantly in power. For women, that role is a cook, a clean and a caregiver. Once that role is fulfilled, it is believed that there is no room for anything else; not even her own wants and needs. Being pretty is clearly an advantage in snagging a suitable husband. I used to weigh 300 pounds, so I'm aware of the clear distinction in which women are treated according to how they look. Most women are too "stuck in their role" to say anything.

    I'll admit my responsibility by remaining silent. I was at a party once and a guy brushed my waist with his hand, and all I did was walk away; feeling like I could've done more. Several times I have walked down the street, harassed by males to frightened to leave their cars. Of course, their's nothing I could do about that! However, there are the ones with the balls to try and talk to me and ask for my number. I want to be rude, but fear makes me smile and politely say no thanks; making me appear as if I lack authenticity.

    The point is, women, take it out on each other. We make each other apologize for someone else's actions. We are told to take responsibility by covering up, shutting up and walking on eggshells--or else, we're asking for it. We don't take each other seriously any more than men do. So, we remain silent and simply wait to bleed.

    Is there a happy ending without semen everywhere?

 

My Own Worst Enemy

I've got words racing and pushing their way to my tongue on a razor's edge.
They bleed and pour out uncontrollably.
They want to be free like birds in the summer green.
They lay their bodies in the fresh cut grass as they bask in the suns misery.

I've got emotions slithering through my body and soul. It eats at me in the form of a parasite;
like a leech draining me dry, or an amoeba eating its way through my already corroded brain.
They are hungry and ravenous, and what's even more frightening is they can't get enough.

I've got loneliness weighing me down. It sleeps and dreams, then wakes up looking for a companion. I am that companion.
So it's true when they say misery loves company!
I'm always there for you loneliness because you are just as alone as I am.
Yet you are so selfish, you refuse to be there for me.

I've got anger seizing me.
My mother, my sister, my friend.
You cage me and feed me insanity.
You love me like abusive mothers love their daughters; you beat me down and then you cradle me against your bosom, nurturing me with rage.

Why do I love you? Why do I need you?

Philosophy of a Senseless Dreamer

Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza

I've become numb to the representation of iterations that were once etched into my heart and soul. 

The words upon words have become meaningless because I worship myself 

and loathe everyone else.

Yet

I struggle with the thought that those words upon words still sting.

And the thought of you rebuking my being still burns me with insecurity.

I end your world with rejection 

because if forgiveness is love

then it is everything I am not.

No one is superior to anyone

it is an existential joke.

Some are cursed with arrogance and some are blessed with apathy.

Unfortunately

I am a dreamer.

I dream of peace and compromise

yet everyone is too busy sizing each other up

or trying to outdo one another.

That is why I'm deluded.

But if I'm deluded

so is everyone else!

Lace, Pastels, and Botched Benevolence

    I remember the first time I heard the term abortion. I was 12 or 13 years old and I was spending time in a psychiatric facility. There was a 6-year-old girl who was raped by her dad or brother(I can't remember exactly) and was shocked to hear about this girl being pregnant! How can a 6-year-old be pregnant? Well, I got my period when I was 9 so instantly, I had answered my own question. However, the shock of knowing a child that young was even capable of getting pregnant; what a cruel and cumbersome act of perversion nature has thrust upon this repulsively young lady.

    The children's ward in psychiatric hospitals is often dumping grounds for parents who either don't want or don't know how to deal with their children. Apparently, her mother blamed her and sent her to the facility. I was listening to a conversation her and an older patient in her teens(who acted like her mother) were having. The baby woman said and I quote, "They gave me an abortion." As a remarkably sheltered preteen, I had no established knowledge to define the term.

    Now as an adult, I hear intense debates and discussions regularly. I see people passionately protest with gnarly photos of babies dismembered and bloodied. The only thing that comes to mind is, this is what we do to each other. We tear each other down and rip each other apart, until theirs nothing left but brokenness; unleashing the tribal primitive beast within. Then, we wrap up the ugliness in delicate lace. We paint reality with pretty pastels so that we don't have to face our botched benevolence.

    As human beings, we need each other. We all want to be understood; to feel like we matter. Unfortunately, humans beings are naturally self-serving. Our emotions compel us to justify the way we hurt others as acts of righteousness. Serving only our morals and therefore ourselves, because the one thing that people really care about the most is pretending to care.

Knowledge is power!
Want to know more about abortions and how they work? Click here!
Risks and side effects of abortion
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